Failure: My Experience & How to Overcome It
Failure. Nobody likes it. Nobody wants to fail at something they’ve set out to achieve, especially if you’ve set your hopes up on succeeding. Unfortunately, though, we’re only human. This means that we can’t be good at everything the first time around. Sometimes failure is inevitable.
Seeing as we can’t ‘overcome’ failure by preventing it, I won’t try to deceive you by telling you that it’s possible. However, there are things that you can do to bounce back when it does happen, and that’s what I’ll be talking about.
There are a few things that you can do to come back from ‘failing’ at something. The first and most important thing to do is to realise that it’s okay. Sometimes things don’t work out the way that you want them to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t pass the exam the first time, or if you don’t get the job you wanted.
I find that there’s always an expectation to succeed – regardless of how big the challenge set. As a society, we’re sometimes unforgiving in that we don’t take ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ for an answer.
If you look for it, you’ll find hundreds of tips and tricks on how to attain almost anything – whether it be a romantic partner, a successful job, a certain lifestyle, or a particular mindset. These can give us clear guides on how to go about doing something, but they also reinforce the idea that failure is not an option because there’s always something that you can do, when this isn’t true.
Yes, on this blog and many others, you will find advice on how to get or achieve a lot of things. That doesn’t mean they’re foolproof, or that there’s anything wrong with you if they don’t work. I’m going to end up repeating myself, but I have to stress: it’s important not to feel bad if something doesn’t work, because sometimes they can’t – whether it’s due to circumstances, or something else. That’s not anyone’s fault, that’s just life.
The second important thing that you can do to get back up from ‘failure’ is to see if there’s anything you’ve learned from the experience.
I won’t sit here and tell you that you can take something from every bad experience (because that’s incredibly insensitive on my part), but, maybe you not getting that job meant you could finally realise just how much your happiness was riding on only one aspect of your life. Or, maybe failing that college exam made you realise that you want to go down an alternative path. These are just examples.
If failing got you to realise something that you otherwise wouldn’t have, doesn’t that make the experience highly valuable? Crappy, but important?
I sometimes still get really annoyed when people try to tell me that something good always comes out of a bad situation, so if you feel like that right now, then I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. The biggest failure I’ve ever experienced was during my adolescence; I allowed myself to put my need for acceptance before my happiness. This happened multiple times and it was really painful, as I was essentially allowing people to be unkind to me just so I could tell myself that I had friends. I failed myself, in a way, but even though it was really crappy, I have learned what my priorities should be. I have also learned how I would like people to treat me, and how to walk away from situations that are shit.
I probably wouldn’t have learned these things without these experiences.
If this is the case with you, then try to think of it that way. Failure isn’t completely bad if it can teach you something important. It also can’t be avoided (we all need to stop thinking that it can). Accepting this is the best advice that I can give you. Apologies if I’ve gone round in circles.
I hope this can help someone,
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